"My new body wash smells like play-doh." ~ Me, unfortunately; also child molesters
"Hey guys, if anyone checks-in here on Facebook, can you tag me too?" ~ Lamest person at the bar without a smartphone
"Hi, I'm a lawyer?" ~ Anyone who went to law school trying to impress the ladies. By the way, did you know I'm a lawyer...Ladies?
"Keep it up, funny boy. We'll see who's laughing tomorrow." ~ Obama, after Seth Meyer's speech for the White House Correspondents' dinner.
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