Rectum? Damn near killed him!

I finally get to enroll in my company’s health plan. Just in time too, because I am gonna go seriously balls out this weekend with some reckless drinking and irresponsibly dangerous behavior.

But now I have to pick my primary physician and the medical group has pictures of all their doctors on their website. Do I go for the hot chick doctor? (Kinda serious question.) Those examination rooms can get pretty cold, if you know what I mean.

Also, finally getting health care moves me up the success rankings among my friends, finally passing Justin. And it’s not just because I have coverage through Aetna, a respectable health plan, but because it includes dental. This is a real shame and shortcoming for Justin, since he tends to suffer a lot more face trauma.

I’ve decided to go with the Austrian doctor. Now I just have to worry about him Human Centipede-ing me.