Coffee Shop Confessions vol. 5

I've been coming to this same Starbucks for the past two years and the cute barista I've had a crush on this whole time no longer works here. Guess I can start looking for a job now.

A very old, very large woman sitting behind me had to squeeze between the two chairs to get to her seat. Her ass rubbed against my back and now I have to come up with a new term to describe my body's physiological response: "de-rection"? "orgagism"? "retard-on"?